Thank you for hanging on with us. We must be nearing the end.
I'm in our hospital room surrounded by family. My lifelong girlfriends flew in last night at midnight and sat up with me and let me tell every single second of Daisy's story. I've noticed that, although I can recall every freakish second, my brain immediately shuts it out. I'm not sure what to do with the last 4 days. They consume every single second of my life, but I am lost when I try to process them.
Daisy is doing both better and worse. She has much more frequent happy times. She will wake up peacefully sometimes and smile at us or try to play with a toy. But she is also so very, very miserable. She cries most of the time unless she is sleeping. Her right lung is still a little collapsed and she's still battling pneumonia and a staph infection in her throat. She just looks like she feels like crap. But she is off the oxygen and doing well. They've even told me I can lay down with her to snuggle and feed her if she seems super miserable.
We've all been taking turns holding her and she has really taken to her aunties. She is the most comfortable when she is being held and rocked.
Aravis and Judah are here until we go home. My brother drove them down this morning with a gift for their sister. They will spend the night at Charity's house with Nicole and Christina tonight and come back in the morning. They are doing really, really well. They play with Daisy and sing to her. They are able to talk about the things they don't understand or are afraid of. Thank you for praying for them. It's very clear that they are so sheltered by the love of Jesus.
We are just waiting to see how Daisy does tonight. We need to see her breathing well while deeply asleep and even improving more. But if all goes well we will be able to take her home tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to the almost 3 hour drive home. I can't imagine she is going to LOVE the car, so I'm praying she will sleep the entire time.
I've heard from a lot of parents who are able to really connect to Daisy out of love for their own children, and even out of sorrow for having lost a child. My heart reaches out to you. I understand something now that I never ever wanted to understand. I know what it feels like to know that there is absolutely nothing I can do to save my child. I have lived in fear of my kids dying or being terribly hurt. Now it's happened. I'm surprised to find that there is such mercy in this sadness. The worst has happened and we have all survived. Daisy lives. We live. And the spirit of Yeshua breathes deep and steady into our fragile lungs.