Wow! Where have I been?! I keep telling myself to sit down and write a blog, but the life of a mommy-homeschooler-photographer always gets in the way! Dang life. Always messing up my plans to write about life.
Today I've conquered life for the moment and here I am, nursing baby in my lap, clean laundry piled up and waiting for attention, big kids playing in their room and Revelation Wellness homework calling my name. But first, you.
You know how I'm always talking about Balance? It seems like the focus of my whole life has been finding Balance. It's hard to find. It's hard to maintain. And I crave it. CRAVE it.
If I had it my way we'd be living on a farm somewhere, working hard for our sustenance, breathing in fresh air and finding the Sacred in the ordinary. Which I guess we kind of are (minus the farm and fresh air part). We work our booties off. We search and search and search - finding Sacred moments buried underneath ordinary (or painful) circumstances.
We are living this life of less. Excess isn't even an option. Funny that God calls us to something - as if it we had a choice. Either way it's going to happen. I guess He just wants us on board. Maybe attitude IS everything. Maybe perspective is what gives us courage. We know the struggle is coming, is here, and we lean into it instead of away from it. We take the full force of difficulty and tell ourselves relief is coming soon.
I feel that way in Revelation Fitness. It's hard as hell. My old self screams at me from the first jog around the gym - "You CAN'T do this! It's too much!" But my new self - the self that refuses to be a selfish mess for one more minute says, "This is possible for me. I CAN do this." I push a little farther and look back just in time to see I've conquered another mountain.
Sometimes when I need a little more courage I look for Joe. I find him giving everything he has on the other side of the gym - he's sweaty and strong, pushing into the obstacle rather than cowering away from it. I'm proud of him. And the reminder that he's doing this too - we're doing it together - gives me a bit more endurance.
This is our life. This is what every day looks like. Just when we think we're about to come up for air another wave crashes down on us, stealing every last inch of air from us. But I look over... and he's there. He's there. He's determined. He's working his ass off. So I resolve again. I'm going to make it over the next wave. And sometimes we do.
I'm always looking for the delicate line of Balance. I'm always trying to mold my life around what is holy and noble and true and good. I'm constantly searching.
Sometimes I figure it out for a moment, I sink into the beauty of Balance and float along for a little while. And then something rocks the boat - I'm foundering again. Fear creeps in and steals peace from me. I sink.
Small things re-center me. Exercise. Whole food. Hikes with my family. Dates with Joe. Daisy snuggled up and sleeping on me. Judah asking me to cuddle him at night. Aravis singing to Daisy. A clean house. Time with my girlfriends. Holy Yoga. Lunch with my mom. Dropping my kids off with my dad for the morning.
Life would easily swallow me. God has called us into less, but he's provided more. We're learning how to live with half paid bills, creative food shopping, badly baked bread, a borrowed car, clothes that are almost too small for the kids and budgeted gas.
This is life. This is less. And it's still more than most people have. We're lacking physically and growing spiritually. We're expanding our tents - even if we have nothing to put in them.