Have you ever been in yoga, or working out, and held a deep posture long enough to start trembling? Everything is firing and your muscles are just freaking out. You can't think it away. It's involuntary.
I used to hate that.
I used to release the posture as soon as I started to tremble. I saw it as a sign of weakness and I didn't want to be weak. So I would give up the pose (I know. Ridiculous logic).
Somewhere along the way I've started holding the posture anyway. I've started to embrace the trembling.
I'm stronger because of it.
My yoga practice has changed.
But it was just today that I really got it.
I looked up from a push up position in time to see my friend trembling. I watched her legs literally shake and I realized how strong she is. She held that posture - trembling and at the very end of herself - the whole time.
Watching her, I remembered Philippians 2:12
Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling...
It occurs to me that trembling is a sign of endurance. It's a manifestation of doing the impossible, even when it costs you something. There is something to be said for coming to the end of yourself and then going one step further.
I'm there. I'm at the end of myself.
Something inside of me must have decided that trembling wasn't weak; that it was simply a sign of the kind of glorious inner strength that changes everything.
Because I am shaking. I'm shaking all the time. I'm tired.
I've been holding this stance long enough to feel utterly fatigued.
But if I gave in now, I would lose the possibility of change. I would never grow.
Giving up, or going backwards, is never an option.
It costs me comfort.
But isn't it true that people who pay nothing value nothing?
Anything less than healthy and whole will never be enough.